I’m sorry I’m not Jake Gyllenhaal, or Ben Cohen, or Joseph Gordon-Levitt….(though what a delicious largely-Jewish-guy triple-decker sandwich they would make!)….but I know I’m not them, nor am I as hot as they are…..
Were I sufficiently bitchy and fabulous, I’d snap my fingers in your face and tell you you aren’t either….but that’s not really the point…..
Besides, why would I tell you something like that? For one thing, it’s not true, and for another, you believe it already whether I say it or not….so what is the point?
Coming out, to ourselves and to others, was supposed to make our lives better and more fulfilling. That’s the mythic/heroic narrative. And in some ways it has.
You, my dear gay friends, can now post on Facebook about identifying with Kurt Hummel and Santana Lopez; you can dream about suburban bros and DILF’s who make your hearts and hormones race.
But that’s the easy part of being out and open, the realm of fantasy and dreams. Reality is messier.
After all, many of you are so bedazzled by celebrities and so convinced no real person would ever want any of you that you may, in fact, need to be hit over the head, thus:
You are someone else’s Gyllenhaal or Cohen, right now, just as you are, without benefit of paparazzi airbrushing or retouching.
In fact, you might be mine. You, the politics nerd or the dreamy photographer or the frazzled academician. You might be my fantasy guy. And I might be yours.
But exactly how the hell are we ever supposed to find that out for sure?
It’s cute for me to run into a guy, for the second time, and let him know, “I first saw you on the street two years ago and was too tongue-tied to say hello….” That’s shy, kind of sweet, even touching.
But to say, “I’ve wanted to have lunch or dinner with you for five years, and have never said anything"? That’s just awkward, and weird.
Now, if you think such dining desires come across as odd, try saying, “I have wanted to make out or cuddle or sleep with you for years!” or, “I’ve dreamed of marrying you!”….
Maybe such things can be spoken about and chuckled over afterwards, once the making out or cuddling or sex or marriage has actually happened…..but not at first. Not too early. That's a one-way ticket to Scary Creepy World........
Too often in such situations, stricken by fear and cowardice, I have kept silent, and so have you. Here we sit, awash in ersatz online intimacy, with empty dating calendars and not nearly enough hugging or cuddling in our lives, let alone sex.
What do I do to break the silence? How can I break through yours?
Putting myself out there like this is a way to begin. When so many of us are trying (and failing) at the game of playing it cool, my honesty may come across as more desperate than healthy, but I am starting to realize that silence and isolation already create far more desperation than unfulfilled needs ever do.
So yeah, I'm not a celebrity, and I may not even look like one. But I know that you and I could make each other feel like superstars if we tried. Am I ready? Are you?
